Sunday, November 23, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

A funeral, a delayed flight and a revelation

By
From page A2 | December 18, 2012 |

A Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language defines “intentionality” – the noun, not the adverb – as having the quality of being “intentional; (of) aim; (of) design.”

I so appreciate that “aim” is part of the definition.

I thought of that as I spoke with a friend recently. She and I met up at a funeral and discussed how common, at our age, they seem to be becoming. At this point in our lives, of course, it’s mostly parents, friends of parents and parents of friends. Though in this particular case it was for a wonderful young man. Those are always sobering.

My flight home was delayed so I had extra time with this dear friend, and I am grateful. She happened to mention that with a recently deceased father-in-law and what seems like a spate of funerals over the last year, she has a greater appreciation for how fast life moves and changes, and it is impressing on her the need to have more intentionality in her relationships.

I was intrigued.

Anything in life falls apart if it’s not deliberately and regularly shored up, she said – house, laundry room, body, car, lawn, work life, you name it.

So why, too often, do we not give our relationships, even the ones that matter or should matter so much, the same attention we give to these other things? Too often we outright neglect them, yet think they will thrive anyway – while we would never think that of, say, a flowerbed.

She and I talked about marriage, for starters. How everything in our culture, and in our fallen natures, conspires to break down our unions, or at least make us too complacent about them, and we have to constantly resist that pull. But do we?

The same is true for so many relationships. With friends, with family, with our children. If we don’t actively work at it, have as our aim to build up the relationships we care about, they will always deteriorate.

That word “aim” is key. Especially in a fast-paced culture. On the plane ride home, I decided that “intentionality” in my relationships could be an important goal for me in the New Year. To ask myself: What is my aim for my children’s and my relationships (which is different from my aim for them as individuals); my aim for my relationship with my new husband, and that’s one to discuss with him; for my relationships with dear friends and even casual friends. I don’t mean to over-think this. I just mean that if I really care about a person and desire an ongoing relationship at any level, it’s going to mean making time and expending effort and thoughtfulness to make it happen.

“Intentional” – again, according to the Webster’s I have on my shelf – is defined as “the fixed direction of the mind, to a particular object; a determination to do a specified thing or to act in a particular manner.”

That’s going to look very different in terms of my husband than it does with my children, or than it does with a friend. But the principle is the same: Neglect a relationship that I care about, or should care about, and it will fall apart.

I suppose this might mean making more regular time away from our kids for my husband and me to really talk and listen to each other, or more time over lunches with a gal pal to let her know she matters, or maybe consistent prayer for a person or a family. Or it might mean building a relationship in ways I can’t even see right now. And I’ll need to keep asking myself: “Exactly what steps am I taking to keep it healthy?”

I realize this is, in many ways, just common sense. But on the other hand, I don’t find intentionality about relationships to be that common in our fast-paced culture.

So, for once, I’m really glad my flight was delayed.

Betsy Hart’s latest book is “From The Hart: A Collection of Favorite Columns on Love, Loss, Marriage (and Other Extreme Sports).” Email hartmailbox-mycolumn@yahoo.com.

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Fairfield-Suisun sits between bay, valley

By Barry Eberling | From Page: A1, 2 Comments | Gallery

 
Teens at Boys & Girls Clubs get their own place

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: C1 | Gallery

Salvation Army gets ready for Thanksgiving

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
New mobile office adds reach to The Salvation Army

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A1

Time to start a local hall of fame

By Brad Stanhope | From Page: A2

 
Conservancy plans Quail Ridge Walk in December

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Film festival brings people together for good causes

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Suicide prevention day event comes to Solano

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

Advance preparation mitigates frost damage

By Kathy Low | From Page: C4

 
Sudden Infant Death awareness and prevention

By Susan Whalen | From Page: C4

Weather for Sunday, Nov. 23, 2014

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B6

 
Market prime for correction? Maybe yes, maybe no

By Bud Stevenson | From Page: B7

 
Two injured in Fairfield shooting

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A12

.

US / World

Storms raise hope in California drought

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Gambling nuke commander linked to fake poker chips

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

Winners and losers under Obama’s immigration plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
WWII mementos found in suitcase at thrift store

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Kohler introduces odor-eating toilet seat

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Civic group: No Ferguson grand jury decision yet

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Police: Pregnant woman, 3 others fatally shot

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Hawaii airline tells pilots to return $4,000 bonus

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Dogfighting thrives in years since Vick case

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Man sets house on fire, kills responding deputy

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Report: Washington toddler shot playing with gun

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Official: SD man kills 4, including self, wounds 1

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Pope meets with autistic children

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Biden announces new aid for Syrian refugees

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
AP sources: Obama broadens mission in Afghanistan

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

Somalia’s al-Shabab kills 28 non-Muslims in Kenya

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Kerry says gaps remain in talks about Iran’s nukes

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

Japan earthquake collapses homes, causes injuries

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Iraqi forces, Islamic State group battle in Ramadi

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

.

Opinion

Are we sheltered by broadcast news?

By Rod Keck | From Page: A8

 
State Capitol braces for budget battle

By Dan Walters | From Page: A8

 
Editorial Cartoon: Nov. 23, 2014

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Act of kindness at Raiders game

By Letter to the Editor | From Page: A8

.

Living

Today in History: Nov. 23, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Nov. 23, 2014

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Give the gift of gratitude this holiday season

By Dalia Adams | From Page: C3

 
Buddhist community builds shrine in Pineville yard

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3

Caught up in the spirt of the music

By The Associated Press | From Page: C3

 
Horoscopes for Nov. 23, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: C4

Hackers can get into everything, including your camera lens

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: C4

 
Library project puts 50 years of yearbooks online

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

Metrosexuals be gone: Europe is agog for beards

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

 
Graphic novel teaching history at Mississippi schools

By The Associated Press | From Page: C6

.

Entertainment

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BEST-SELLERS

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
Lamott offers healing words in ‘Small Victories’

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

Eddie Izzard has book deal

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
Whoopi Goldberg writing book about marriage

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

Bryan Cranston reads profane hit nursery rhyme

By The Associated Press | From Page: C2

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B11

.

Sports

49ers host Redskins looking for third straight win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Cousins lifts sluggish Kings over Wolves, 113-101

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Stanford routs rival Cal 38-17 in 117th Big Game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Sacramento State downs UC Davis 41-30

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Giants World Series exhibit goes on display Monday

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Vermette nets winner for Coyotes vs. Sharks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Green says he’s ready to return to lineup for Broncos

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Bills practice in Detroit prepping for Jets game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
No. 4 Duke tops Stanford to win Coaches vs Cancer

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Vacaville Christian’s Kenyon voted Sierra Delta League MVP

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

Suzy Whaley becomes 1st female officer at PGA

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Harvard beats Yale 31-24 in The Game

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Oklahoma’s Perine runs for record 427 yards

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Rivalry 150 goes to Lafayette, 27-7 over Lehigh

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Bowling results for Sunday, Nov. 23, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B4

Bocce results for Sunday, Nov. 23, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B4

 
Bicycle racing for Sunday, Nov. 23, 2014

By Daily Republic | From Page: B4

Granada clings to 1-shot lead at LPGA finale

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
Swiss lead France 2-1 in Davis Cup final

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
This date in sports history for Sunday, Nov. 23, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: B5

.

Business

Businesses cash in as women chase bigger butts

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Tips on getting deals during Black Friday blitz

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
Most US unemployed don’t get benefits: Here’s why

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

At a Glance: Pros, cons of mobile-payment systems

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12

 
Review: No cash, cards, just mobile pay for a week

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12

Recalls this week: strollers, candles, chargers

By The Associated Press | From Page: B12

 
.

Obituaries

Arthur Irving Weiner

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
Leslie “Esi” Gros

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Norah Dean

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Florentina R. Dulay Florendo

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

Albert M. Ranzani

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics