Saturday, March 28, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Listen, work together if your loved one has memory loss

By
From page B10 | November 17, 2012 |

bass column sig

It has been important to try to put myself in my wife’s position.

I’ve learned if a person is willing to listen, there are plenty of clues to lead you to where the person is. Comments such as “I’m bored,” “I’m lost” or “please help me” are food for thought. So are questions such as “Where does this go?”

If you look at the simple statement, “I’m bored,” it is easy to understand why she is bored. No past, no future . . . an almost completely blank present.

It isn’t possible to fill the void all the time. It is possible to make life less boring much of the time.

We do things together. Be a partner and expect involvement in activities, such as cooking meals, setting the table, washing dishes and putting them away. Even mundane things like collecting the trash.

Folks with memory problems are capable of learning again and establishing new habits. Especially those that involve repeated physical activity.

It is possible to draw on the memory of physical tasks performed in the past. For example, doing the wash. In spite of protests, such as “this isn’t my machine” or “I’ll wash these when I get home,” when I ask, “Can you help me do this?” the memory of how to physically manage the cycles of the washing machines kick in and she does it, perfectly.

Or being my eyes in finding errors in the materials I write. I am terrible about spelling and keyboard mistakes. She has “eagle” eyes and can spot mistakes from across the room. A real help to me.

So I don’t assume that things aren’t possible because there have been too many times when I have asked for help and I have gotten far more than I expected.

The partnership approach has been far more satisfying for both of us. The positive results from working together pretty much strike down the common misconception many folks have that memory loss is a single-faceted condition.

As a friend remarked, each situation is different because each person is unique. Different memories, different perception of one’s self and different needs.

I think it is important to remember that if you are patient and willing to listen, they will tell you what they are feeling and that will suggest what they need.

I am not saying everything is understandable. It’s not. Don’t expect it to be because you will be disappointed.

Many fantasies come from out nowhere and have no relationship to reality or life experience as you know it. But keeping the person involved in real life can head off too much time spent in fantasy.

Doing things, being useful and filling the void is most productive. Working as partners constantly rebuilds your relationship.

Murray Bass can be reached at 427-0744 or [email protected]

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

Sheepdogs, handlers flock to Rio Vista for trials

By Susan Winlow | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Fraisure Smith hearing delayed twice Friday

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1, 12 Comments | Gallery

Luncheon honors women for their work to help others

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Project begins to brighten downtown Fairfield

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3, 11 Comments | Gallery

 
 
Solano Rotary clubs honor top firefighters from across county

By Bill Hicks | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Eatery to host event to support child with cancer

By Glen Faison | From Page: A3

 
Suisun police log: March 26, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9

Fairfield police log: March 26, 2016

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

 
Going home to mother

By Murray Bass | From Page: B10, 2 Comments

 
.

US / World

 
Jury says Silicon Valley firm did not discriminate

By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

 
Public defender: San Francisco jail inmates forced to fight

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Gov. Brown signs $1 billion water plan for dry California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Feds: Baltimore jail illegally keeping juveniles in solitary

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Autopsies determine children found in freezer were slain

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Fetus debate looms following charges in womb-cutting case

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

NY mayor: Someone may have ‘inappropriately’ tapped gas line

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Pugnacious Reid retiring, wants Schumer as Senate Dem leader

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Senate OKs Republican balanced-budget plan, following House

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

 
Nelson set to return to role as Coach

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
‘Sopranos’ star’s apartment destroyed by blast

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Pilot who scared passengers sues airline

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
‘Mad Men’ costumes, props head to Smithsonian

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

US economy showing signs of durability

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7, 1 Comment

 
Mexico City businesses cite losses during Bond filming

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

Comedian Gardell hosts game show version of Monopoly

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
German airline could face ‘unlimited’ damages for Alps crash

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Co-pilot appeared healthy, but may have hidden illness

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
About 4,000 fishermen stranded on Indonesian islands

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10, 1 Comment

Warships move in key strait as airstrikes widen in Yemen

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
Iran says nuke talks focused despite Yemen crisis

By The Associated Press | From Page: A11

At least 9 dead as militants attack hotel in Somali capital

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

 
Amanda Knox murder conviction overturned by Italy high court

By The Associated Press | From Page: A12

.

Living

Books as decor: Versatile but meaningful design elements

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR1Comments are off for this post | Gallery

 
Today in History: March 28, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Community Calendar: March 28, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

 
Horoscopes: March 28, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B6

My elderly mother is so stingy I’m finding excuses not to visit her

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B6

 
The newest fitness trend: Mixing it up

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

.

Entertainment

People: Zane Malik

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Larry David Broadway role handed to Jason Alexander

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

‘Stomp’ stopped by NYC blast

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Mannequin museum show hits New York

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B7

 
‘Teen Mom’ star charged in picture posting case

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

.

Sports

Notre Dame beats Stanford women 81-60, advances to Elite Eight

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Curry, Thompson lead Warriors in rout over Grizzlies

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Evans helps desperate Pelicans end skid vs. Kings, 102-88

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Ranuado goes 6 for Rangers’ but A’s rally for 7-6 win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Area resident Jimmy Walker takes lead in Texas Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Logano wins Martinsville pole; Elliott to start 27th

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
A-Rod’s cousin pleads guilty in Florida steroids case

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Durant to have another surgery, miss rest of season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Chicago rooftop owner charged with trying to defraud Cubs

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Gift returns: Sterling wife wants house, $1 million

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Shaq acknowledges regret about decision to leave Magic

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
NASCAR topic: Cheating with tire pressure, or just hot air?

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Hot Rod Hundley, former NBA player and Jazz announcer, dies

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
This date in sports history for March 28, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Helen Kalis

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Robert Roberts

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

Carol A. Vose

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

 
Janice Jewel Thompson

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

.

Home Seller 3/28/2015

Books as decor: Versatile but meaningful design elements

By The Associated Press | From Page: HSR1Comments are off for this post | Gallery

Real estate transactions for March 28, 2015

By Daily Republic | From Page: HSR2