Wednesday, July 30, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

My husband’s been cheating on me for many years. How can I stop it?

Dear Annie: I am 58 and have been married to “Hank” for 24 years. I have two children from a previous marriage, and Hank and I have a 21-year-old son together.

I’ve tried everything to be a good wife, but Hank never has been affectionate, and our sex life is nonexistent. Several years ago, I learned that he has cheated on me for most of our marriage. My older son caught him the first time, and I made Hank move out. We went to counseling, and I let him come back home, although I believe the only reason he returned was because of our son.

Recently, I received calls telling me Hank was cheating again, but he denied it. I finally hired a private investigator, who confirmed that Hank was having an affair. I told him to leave her alone and thought that would end it, but it didn’t. I discovered he has been seeing this woman for at least 12 years. I love my husband, but won’t tolerate sharing him anymore.

I knew when we married that we weren’t soul mates, but I felt we could have a good marriage. Hank knows if he leaves, his son will despise him and he won’t be able to see the grandchildren. Should I talk to the Other Woman and ask her to stop seeing him? What do I do? — Desperate in Indiana

Dear Indiana: Contacting the Other Woman will not produce the result you want: for Hank to stop cheating. He is unhappy in his marriage and thinks this gives him license to ignore his wedding vows. It does not. But you are also unhappy, twisting yourself into knots, trying to make Hank a faithful, loving husband. It isn’t working. Get some counseling. Find out what it’s worth to you to keep your marriage intact and what your next step should be.

Dear Annie: My daughter and son-in-law had a little celebration for my grandson’s first birthday. The baby gets fussy in big crowds, and their house is small, so they decided to invite only the grandparents.

Several days after the party, I received an angry email from a niece stating, “How nice it would have been to actually have been invited to the party.” She copied all of my relatives. I responded, explaining why the guest list was so small, and chastised her for complaining in front of the entire family. Then her mother (my husband’s sister) sent an email chewing me out, saying she and her husband were hurt because they weren’t invited, either, and accused me of “attacking” my niece. My brother-in-law sent my daughter a text message saying the same thing.

I apologized to my niece for chastising her, but I was thoroughly annoyed. I don’t think my daughter and son-in-law did anything wrong by keeping the party small. I feel these relatives were very rude. How could we have handled this situation better? — Fed Up in Cornwall, Pa.

Dear Fed Up: Your daughter did nothing wrong. Your niece and her parents are thin-skinned and hypersensitive. You could have replied, “We’re so sorry you felt slighted. It was not intentional. Only grandparents were invited.” Then ignore them.

Dear Annie: “Bob” was unhappy that his stepchildren don’t call him “Dad.” You failed to give Bob your usual good advice: to get a complete medical checkup.

Bob said he is withdrawing from family members who love him and waking up at 3:30 a.m. feeling despondent. I happen to know that an underactive thyroid can cause those symptoms, and few doctors check that in men. — R.

Dear R.: Thank you so much for mentioning this possibility. Other readers pointed out that Bob’s obsessive focus on his title could indicate depression. We love how our readers look out for one another. We hope Bob will schedule a complete checkup soon and ask his physician to check for these things.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

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Discussion | 2 comments

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  • faithJanuary 13, 2013 - 12:19 pm

    When I married my husband I was already pregnant and so I didn't have a job. He had a really good job though so I was able to stay home and take care of our son when He was born. When we had our second child we moved to a bigger house, but then strange things started to happen. Things would fly off the walls and doors would slam at night. Our oldest son talked about seeing figures and hearing voices. We consulted a medium and they said the house was haunted. After living there about a year more with only minor occurrences we moved out. That was when the bad luck started to happen. Everything started to fail, with my husband's job, our money and our luck in general. I went back to the same medium and they told me that a spirit had followed me and placed a curse upon me for disturbing it and not being respectful in the previous house. He tried to remove it but was unable. The misfortune kept going on and getting more severe as I tried to search out someone to break the curse. But when I found DR.BOOMA spell he finally did it. Things started turning around almost immediately after he cast the spell and have been great from there! This was really a miracle for us, thank you DR.Booma from the bottom of my heart!CONTACT DR.BOOMA VIA THIS EMAIL:boomaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com . Posted by:miss faith

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • rachel mayersSeptember 18, 2013 - 9:19 am

    I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD'S TOP SPELL CASTER. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY CAUSE THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2-WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY BOYFRIEND(NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIEND'S NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL, WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR BABY,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP,CONTACT HIM VIA EMAIL:prophetjumamaspirituality@gmail.com.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
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