FAIRFIELD — Love is the glue that holds everything together – or at least that’s somewhat true in Jermaine Hamwright’s opinion.
Love is a crucial aspect to any relationship. It is inherent to any romantic relationship. But love alone, Hamwright says, isn’t enough for a successful relationship.
Hamwright, a human resources specialist with the U.S. Army, got to thinking about relationships when he was stationed overseas. He and some fellow soldiers were looking at questions on an online dating site when someone asked Hamwright what he thought were some qualities that strengthen a relationship – besides love, of course.
He’d never thought about it before, but the question intrigued him. So he wrote an answer. That answer became much longer than he ever could have imagined.
Years later, Hamwright, now based at Travis Air Force Base, turned that short answer into a full-blown book about the secrets to a healthy relationship. His book, titled “Get the FACTS,” details the five qualities and factors that Hamwright says are necessary for a successful relationship.
In the title, Hamwright uses FACTS as an acronym for the five secrets: Friendship, affirmation, communication, trust and support.
When he first started drafting the book, Hamwright only discovered three of the five secrets. He also initially intended for the book to be an advice book for women about men’s needs.
Completing the book took some motivation, too.
Growing up, Hamwright struggled with learning disabilities, often confusing words with letters, such as “r” and “w.” People never understood what Hamwright was trying to say, so he used metaphors and analogies to communicate things.
Instead of letting his disability get in his way of writing a book, he said he took that struggle and “enhanced my life.”
His ability to use metaphors to describe issues was perfect for the topic about which he wrote. Hamwright used analogies to explain relationship issues in a way that he said helps visualize a situation and easily gets the point across.
Hamwright continued to develop and write his book while overseas, though at times he thought he’d never get it done. It wasn’t until after his brother died in 2009 that Hamwright became motivated to finish his book.
Through this process, Hamwright changed the direction and content of his book. Instead of focusing on just friendship, affirmation and communication, he added two other qualities to complete the FACTS: Trust and support.
And instead of focusing solely on men’s needs, Hamwright realized the FACTS go both ways.
“The FACTS are what we need from each other,” he said.
Hamwright drew some of the inspiration from his book from his own experiences, but also from a couple of people he looked up to – his uncle and his aunt. Hamwright’s parents got a divorce while he was growing up, so he never saw what a successful relationship looked like.
After watching his uncle and aunt, however, he realized they were the perfect example of a successful relationship, one that embodied all the FACTS.
Hamwright goes into great detail in his book, explaining how each of the FACTS contributes to a growing and healthy relationship.
Friendship first, for example, is critical to building both love and a partnership.
“Sometimes people jump into relationships without feeling out a person first,” he said. “It’s important to establish a friendship first.”
Hamwright uses metaphors, such as a burning candle, as an example of a relationship that sparks and burns quickly but can also be doused just as quickly. It’s important, he said, not to love like a burning candle and instead take it slow.
Each chapter is riddled with scenarios and advice about the different FACTS. Hamwright encourages readers to skip around and pick the chapter from which they think they could draw the most benefit. Whatever they need, he said, it’s important to have all these qualities between you and your partner.
“Love depends on the FACTS,” he said. “Without these things, love can’t exist.”
Hamwright’s book, “Get the FACTS,” is available online at www.amazon.com or in Barnes & Noble stores.
Reach Heather Ah San at 427-6977 or [email protected] Follow her on Twitter at www.twitter.com/HeatherMalia.