Friday, March 27, 2015
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Got a beef with television? Why not sue somebody?

By
From page A7 | August 02, 2014 |

NEW YORK — Republicans in the House of Representatives say they want to sue President Barack Obama.

Without taking sides, I want to say I find this Beltway brawl’s latest round to be inspiring. While the TV universe hardly compares to affairs of state, I’m moved to sue a few people myself (or think about it, anyway).

— For starters, is there someone I can sue to get rid of all those commercials for gold? Reverse mortgages? Personal-injury lawyers?

— Maybe I’ll sue the couples on HGTV’s “Househunters,” or the huge percentage of them who demand granite countertops in any kitchen they approve. Isn’t there a danger that their clamoring for granite countertops could spark a craze for granite countertops among all “Househunters” fans, with a resulting run on granite and skyrocketing prices? Wouldn’t that be followed by granite quarries stripped bare and, with no granite left, granite quarriers thrown out of work, thus losing their granite-countertop-kitchen homes? We must halt such granite mania with a lawsuit that requires house hunters to accept tile, marble or Formica, for every home owner’s good.

— Another worthy target of a lawsuit: Stephen Colbert. I might just sue him for abandonment in anticipation of his bolting to CBS next year to host the “Late Show.” With that move, he says, he will revert to his own real-life personality and scuttle the “Stephen Colbert” character who for nearly a decade has presided over Comedy Central’s “Colbert Report.”

That will mean the end of the self-satisfied blowhard whose lamebrain pronouncements, decoded for their ironic intent, have served as some of TV’s shrewdest analysis of current events. And for anyone who mistakenly admires him as a kindred spirit of the Fox News Channel ethos that he parodies, it will be nothing less than the loss of a national hero.

— I will be considering a restraining order against NBC’s Brian Williams, requiring him to stay at least 50 feet from any telecast that isn’t news. Doesn’t it seem like Williams is forever popping up on talk shows, TV tributes or anywhere else a lens is focused? He makes TV appearances even without meaning to. Like in June on “The Tonight Show,” when Jimmy Fallon premiered the latest mash-up of the NBC News anchor, this time rapping Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.”

In July, Williams was a guest on NBC’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.” He’s a frequent guest on David Letterman’s “Late Show” (or at least he made an appearance, not his first, in January). And everybody knows how often he drops in on Comedy Central’s “Daily Show With Jon Stewart.” (Actually, I don’t know how often, but I feel like it’s lots.) Shouldn’t Williams be spending more time with his family? And I don’t mean volunteering to play one of the pirates during daughter Allison’s star turn in “Peter Pan.” I’m concerned he might suffer from overexposure!

— Quite the opposite is the case for the targets of another of my possible lawsuits: the purveyors of such shows as Discovery’s “Naked and Afraid,” VH1’s “Dating Naked” and TLC’s “Buying Naked.” Shouldn’t they be cited for indecent (TV) exposure?

This bare-bones approach to programming seems likely to denude the TV landscape. What’s next: “Naked Meet the Press”? “Naked Iron Chef”? “Naked Ice Road Truckers”? “Naked Biggest Loser”? Left unchecked, such a sight could drive viewers to seek refuge in radio.

Hmmm. Who in radio could I possibly sue?

Frazier Moore is a national television columnist for The Associated Press. He can be reached at [email protected] and at www.twitter.com/tvfrazier. Past stories are available at http://bigstory.ap.org/content/frazier-moore.

 

The Associated Press

The Associated Press

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

 
Brasher new president, CEO of Jelly Belly

By Ryan McCarthy | From Page: A1, 2 Comments | Gallery

Rio Vista singer ready for Rancho Cordova show

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
Everyday life inspires model’s music

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

Hosting gig for comic, birthday party on weekend schedule

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
 
Spring Fling set to return to Rancho Solano

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3

 
Kids fishing day events return

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
 
Fairfield police log: March 25, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

 
Suisun police log: March 25, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A12

.

US / World

Lawyers dispute hoax claim, boyfriend says he was drugged

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
Co-pilot believed to have purposefully crashed plane

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
L.A. river revamp to cost double previous projections

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Governor awaits $1B drought relief bill

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

US drops graphic leaflet to possible Islamic State recruits

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
AP Exclusive: Special ops troops using flawed intel software

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

State to alter ban on where sex offenders can live

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

 
Grateful Oklahomans salvage belongings after killer storm

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
US: Chicago-area cousins planned US terrorist attack

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Report: Teen says mom killed her siblings found in freezer

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

House OKs bipartisan Medicare doctor bill; fate up to Senate

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Talent agency wants Matt McConaughey speaking fee secret

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

US Thunderbolt II attack planes on training in Poland

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Syrian government shells kill 18 in south, activists say

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Turmoil in Yemen escalates as Saudi Arabia bombs rebels

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
Russian, American ready for a year in space

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

Tunisians assure Star Wars sets safe from Islamic State

By The Associated Press | From Page: A10

 
.

Living

Today in History: March 27, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: March 27, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: March 27, 2015

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: A9

 
Parents may be enabling son’s drinking and hurting his employment chances

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: A9

.

Entertainment

Week in preview March 27 to April 3, 2015

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: B1

 
‘Downton Abbey’ to end after upcoming 6th season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

With ‘Downton Abbey’s coming demise, here are 5 past deaths

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Ken Burns unravels the mysteries of cancer in PBS film

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Review: Animated alien adventure ‘Home’ lands with a thud

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
Entertainment Calendar: March 27, 2015

By Susan Hiland | From Page: B4

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic | From Page: B6

 
.

Sports

Prep swimming preview: City teams look to make big splash

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B7 | Gallery

 
Marleau, Niemi lead Sharks past Red Wings 6-4

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7 | Gallery

Warriors can match franchise record for wins at Memphis

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
San Diego city, county join forces on bid to keep NFL

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Labor, developers reach deal on proposed Inglewood stadium

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Italians will pull out of America’s Cup if boats downsized

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Fiancee of Aaron Hernandez to be called to testify Friday

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Stanford’s VanDerveer, Notre Dame’s McGraw to face off

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Former Germany coach Berti Vogts joins Klinsmann’s US staff

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Officials OK demolishing Irwindale Speedway for outlet mall

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Signups for Friday, March 27, 2015

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B8

 
Sharks sign 2 college players

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Top-seeded Wisconsin hangs to beat North Carolina 79-72

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
49ers waive OL Jonathan Martin after 1 season with team

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Notre Dame races by Wichita State 81-70 for Elite Eight spot

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Kentucky overwhelms West Virginia 78-39 in NCAA Sweet 16

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

This date in sports history for March 27, 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
Mirim Lee leads LPGA Tour’s Kia Classic

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

 
Charley Hoffman takes PGA lead in wind-swept Texas Open

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

.

Business

Range Rover offers an exclusivity that’s rich with irony

By The Washington Post | From Page: C1

 
Google’s new CFO gets $70M for defecting from Morgan Stanley

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Bankruptcy hearing could decide fate of RadioShack

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
Microsoft wants US suppliers to give employees paid time off

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Lawmakers unhappy with new fracking rules

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11 | Gallery

 
Authorities go after crooked car deals in national crackdown

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

Oil prices jump almost 5 percent as tensions mount in Yemen

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

 
New Samsung, HTC phones coming April 10 in US

By The Associated Press | From Page: B11

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A8

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A9