Wednesday, December 17, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Got a beef with television? Why not sue somebody?

By
From page A7 | August 02, 2014 |

NEW YORK — Republicans in the House of Representatives say they want to sue President Barack Obama.

Without taking sides, I want to say I find this Beltway brawl’s latest round to be inspiring. While the TV universe hardly compares to affairs of state, I’m moved to sue a few people myself (or think about it, anyway).

— For starters, is there someone I can sue to get rid of all those commercials for gold? Reverse mortgages? Personal-injury lawyers?

— Maybe I’ll sue the couples on HGTV’s “Househunters,” or the huge percentage of them who demand granite countertops in any kitchen they approve. Isn’t there a danger that their clamoring for granite countertops could spark a craze for granite countertops among all “Househunters” fans, with a resulting run on granite and skyrocketing prices? Wouldn’t that be followed by granite quarries stripped bare and, with no granite left, granite quarriers thrown out of work, thus losing their granite-countertop-kitchen homes? We must halt such granite mania with a lawsuit that requires house hunters to accept tile, marble or Formica, for every home owner’s good.

— Another worthy target of a lawsuit: Stephen Colbert. I might just sue him for abandonment in anticipation of his bolting to CBS next year to host the “Late Show.” With that move, he says, he will revert to his own real-life personality and scuttle the “Stephen Colbert” character who for nearly a decade has presided over Comedy Central’s “Colbert Report.”

That will mean the end of the self-satisfied blowhard whose lamebrain pronouncements, decoded for their ironic intent, have served as some of TV’s shrewdest analysis of current events. And for anyone who mistakenly admires him as a kindred spirit of the Fox News Channel ethos that he parodies, it will be nothing less than the loss of a national hero.

— I will be considering a restraining order against NBC’s Brian Williams, requiring him to stay at least 50 feet from any telecast that isn’t news. Doesn’t it seem like Williams is forever popping up on talk shows, TV tributes or anywhere else a lens is focused? He makes TV appearances even without meaning to. Like in June on “The Tonight Show,” when Jimmy Fallon premiered the latest mash-up of the NBC News anchor, this time rapping Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.”

In July, Williams was a guest on NBC’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.” He’s a frequent guest on David Letterman’s “Late Show” (or at least he made an appearance, not his first, in January). And everybody knows how often he drops in on Comedy Central’s “Daily Show With Jon Stewart.” (Actually, I don’t know how often, but I feel like it’s lots.) Shouldn’t Williams be spending more time with his family? And I don’t mean volunteering to play one of the pirates during daughter Allison’s star turn in “Peter Pan.” I’m concerned he might suffer from overexposure!

— Quite the opposite is the case for the targets of another of my possible lawsuits: the purveyors of such shows as Discovery’s “Naked and Afraid,” VH1’s “Dating Naked” and TLC’s “Buying Naked.” Shouldn’t they be cited for indecent (TV) exposure?

This bare-bones approach to programming seems likely to denude the TV landscape. What’s next: “Naked Meet the Press”? “Naked Iron Chef”? “Naked Ice Road Truckers”? “Naked Biggest Loser”? Left unchecked, such a sight could drive viewers to seek refuge in radio.

Hmmm. Who in radio could I possibly sue?

Frazier Moore is a national television columnist for The Associated Press. He can be reached at fmoore@ap.org and at www.twitter.com/tvfrazier. Past stories are available at http://bigstory.ap.org/content/frazier-moore.

 

The Associated Press

The Associated Press

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Daily Republic does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

Solano News

 
Menorah on Main begins celebration of Hanukkah

By Glen Faison | From Page: A1, 2 Comments | Gallery

Haynes, Travis district part company

By Glen Faison | From Page: A1, 13 Comments

 
Optimist Club welcomes student essays

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3

 
Police arrest 5 on DUI allegations

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A3, 4 Comments

Free new home heater warms Solano family

By Glen Faison | From Page: A3, 3 Comments | Gallery

 
 
Crash blocks part of Air Base Parkway

By Glen Faison | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Police arrest 4 for suspected marijuana sales

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A5, 4 Comments

 
 
‘Hobbit’ story ends on big screen

By Amy Maginnis-Honey | From Page: A7

 
Council delays decision on anti-smoking ordinance

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A8

Police arrest man caught driving stolen car

By Ian Thompson | From Page: A8

 
 
Suisun City police log: Dec. 12, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12, 1 Comment

 
Fairfield police log: Dec. 14, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

 
Faifield police log: Dec. 12, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

Suisun City police log: Dec. 14, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A12

 
.

US / World

Quotes from around the world on Pakistan attack

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
A look at the Pakistani Taliban militant group

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

Taliban assault on Pakistan school leaves 141 dead

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1, 2 Comments

 
State retiree health care gap reaches $72 billion

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9, 4 Comments

Robin Williams tops 2014 list of Google searches

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Ex-Marine wanted in 6 killings commits suicide

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13, 2 Comments

 
Gay vets can march in Boston St. Patrick’s parade

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13, 1 Comment

Cosby won’t be charged over molestation claim

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

 
End game: No immigration deal, just divisions

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13

Jeb Bush to ‘actively explore’ run for president

By The Associated Press | From Page: A13, 3 Comments

 
Employees arrested for baby theft in Guatemala

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

Israel arrests members of Jewish extremist group

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

 
Ireland plans May vote on legalizing gay marriage

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

Sydney siege victims lauded for courage, kindness

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

 
Horror over deadly Sydney siege turns to anger

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

Aussie leader: System failed to track siege gunman

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

 
Islamic State recruits broadly, not just fighters

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

Eight-day Jewish festival of Hanukkah begins

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

 
Filipino mayor expresses support for Guam statue

By The Associated Press | From Page: A14

.

Opinion

 
LA looks to election shift to boost turnout

By Dan Walters | From Page: A11

 
What is Hanukkah’s significance?

By The Rev. Dan Molyneux | From Page: A11, 10 Comments

.

Living

Today in History: Dec. 17, 2014

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Community Calendar: Dec. 17, 2014

By Glen Faison | From Page: A2

Horoscopes: Dec. 17, 2014

By Holiday Mathis | From Page: B6

 
My teenage daughter seems to be cutting me out of her life

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar | From Page: B6

A chocolatey rich coconut cream pie for Christmas

By Elizabeth Karmel | From Page: B7

 
Go Italian this Christmas with lobster manicotti

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

Dressing up a simple hash for Christmas brunch

By The Associated Press | From Page: B7

 
.

Entertainment

Letterman pulls curtain on holiday tradition

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
TVGrid

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: A5

Green Day, Reed, Starr into rock hall

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Fixes planned for clinic that treated Joan Rivers

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

.

Sports

Some Raiders players want Sparano in 2015

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Fairfield grad Bishop signs with 49ers

By Paul Farmer | From Page: B1, 1 Comment | Gallery

Memphis stops Golden State’s 16-game win streak

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Chris Borland’s rookie 49ers season likely over

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Bills deliver Lions pizza, wings for hospitality

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
1998 World Cup winner Thierry Henry retires

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

USOC decides to bid for 2024; city still undecided

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
College football playoff participants stack AP All-America team

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Yankees GM Cashman: A-Rod now a full-time DH

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Sprint to end NASCAR sponsorship after 2016 season

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
Raiders place LB Sio Moore on IR

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

Patriots regain top spot in AP Pro32 rankings

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Rodriguez girls finally get win over Monte Vista

By Daily Republic staff | From Page: B2

Panthers outlast Capitals in longest NHL shootout, 20 rounds

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
AP sources: NFL employees turn over phone, email records

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

.

Business

California home prices cool in November on sluggish sales

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
T-Mobile to let customers carry over unused data

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

Apple wins class-action lawsuit over iPod prices

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Obama backs bill imposing new sanctions on Russia

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9, 5 Comments

Sony hackers reference 9/11 in new threats against theaters

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
Russian ruble sinks sharply despite bank rate hike

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

Apple stops sales in Russia, citing unstable ruble

By The Associated Press | From Page: B9

 
.

Obituaries

James Nelson

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 1 Comment

 
Collie Joseph Blossom

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 2 Comments

Calvin B. Shin

By Nancy Green | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

 
.

Comics

Blondie

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Sally Forth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Garfield

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Baldo

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Get Fuzzy

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
For Better or Worse

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Dilbert

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Zits

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Peanuts

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
B.C.

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Rose is Rose

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Baby Blues

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Beetle Bailey

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Wizard of Id

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Frank and Ernest

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

 
Pickles

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B5

Word Sleuth

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Cryptoquote

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Sudoku

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

 
Crossword

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6

Bridge

By Daily Republic Syndicated Content | From Page: B6