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Thursday, April 24, 2014
FAIRFIELD-SUISUN, CALIFORNIA
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Author Archive: Barton Goldsmith

Solving and resolving life’s problems

A lot of people long for a magic bullet that would make all their problems disappear. The truth is that there isn’t one, and we have to think and work our way through our issues, both personal and professional. No quick fix or Pollyanna affirmation is going to change everything for the better. The truth […]

What love gives you

Most of us have had a bad relationship or two, maybe 22. It’s natural to crave companionship when you’re alone, but it’s also natural to be a little gun-shy if you’ve been in relationships that didn’t work out. If you are feeling reluctant to find love again, here are a few reasons why I believe […]

Not easy to rebuild confidence, but crucial

Sometimes a difficult experience or event can shatter your confidence. So can discouraging words from those who you love. There are any number of things that happen in our lives that can cause us to doubt ourselves, and our abilities. The economy shook the confidence of the entire world not too long ago, but we […]

April 09, 2014 | Posted in State, national lifestyle columnists | Tagged , | 1 Reply

How to make up after a fight

After an argument, most couples have some difficulty making up and getting back to normal (whatever that is). Both parties want to feel that things are resolved, but when hurt feelings have been bouncing around your hearts, it can be problematic. Sometimes you don’t have to say much – just a soft smile or a […]

How to cope when hard times hit

Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. We may think that we could have done something different to change the situation, but that’s a mind game we play with ourselves that actually does more harm than good. Maybe there was a way to prevent what happened, but second-guessing yourself or beating yourself up over […]

Spring a time of relationship growth

The trees and flowers are budding, the animals are chirping (or honking or howling), and Mother Nature has offered each of us yet another opportunity for a fresh start. Being able to grow as individuals and as partners in our relationships is a big part of what spring is all about. It is the season […]

The importance of emotions

We all go through millions of emotions in our relationship, and those emotions create brain chemicals that change the way we feel. Sometimes we are in a positive frame of mind (hopefully most of the time), and other times we can be neutral or even have negative feelings about our partners and ourselves. Being able […]

Get out in front of your mood

Everyone deals with anxiety and depression in some way at some point in their lives. Many therapists agree that depression can look like anxiety, and sometimes it’s hard to tell what is making you feel uncomfortable. Even though depression and anxiety affect people differently, there are some things you can do that will benefit you […]

Getting distant and coming back

Your relationship may be generally feeling fine, and other things in your life may be going smoothly as well, but you may still sense that something is missing, and it’s making you take a second look at your life and love. The truth is that it is difficult to feel close to the one you […]

Be careful with your words

In long-term relationships, people can sometimes become used to treating each inappropriately. They may use derogatory terms or talk down to one another. Others may not talk much at all because when they do talk, it becomes a fight. This happens when the relationship devolves into a power struggle. If this describes your relationship, both […]

February 19, 2014 | Posted in State, national lifestyle columnists | Tagged , | 1 Reply

10 ways to create more love in your relationship

Expressing your love shouldn’t be reserved for special occasions like Valentine’s Day. It should be a constant in your relationship– and that means doing more than just repeating the “three little words.” Here are some tips to get you started. 1. Use terms of endearment. Coming up with and calling your partner by an affectionate […]

Toxic relationships can poison life

Being with a toxic person can be physically, as well as emotionally, depleting. I have watched people deteriorate physically after being in an unhealthy relationship for too long. Negative people can suck the life right out of you, which is why they are sometimes called “emotional vampires.” There is more than one kind of toxic […]

Partner not responsible for your mood

Learning that you need to take personal responsibility for your own moods can be a relationship saver. It’s especially important to avoid inflicting a bad mood onto your partner. What’s known in psychotherapy as “negative projection” can make someone you love doubt themselves and their relationship with you. It takes some work to keep your […]

How to avoid worst time-wasters

The most valuable thing I possess is my time. I hate, with a purple passion, having it wasted. That being said, I also know that I need to get better at avoiding what robs me of my time. It’s something we can all work on. Here are a few common time thieves with some tips […]

Dating and relating in 2014

January is the biggest month of the year for new health club and gym memberships. The beginning of the year is also the busiest time for dating Web sites, as many people are inspired to go online to find the love of their lives. If you want to be in a relationship but are wary […]

If you must end a marriage, here are some tips

The month of January has been dubbed by some as “National Breakup Month,” because it’s the time of year when most divorces are filed. People want to avoid upsetting their families during the holiday season, but the second that life gets back to normal (whatever that is), all bets are off, and in some cases, […]

Set goals for the new year

On New Year’s Eve, I enjoy being a homebody, and I like to watch the ball drop from my warm living room, on my comfy couch with my loved ones (if they stay awake, too). I can’t imagine actually going to Times Square for New Year’s, but it is fun to watch all those people […]

What if we put away our cellphones and conversed?

I recently checked into a hotel the night before I was giving a speech, just like I have done a few hundred times before. But that evening, I was asked something I have never heard before: “Sir, would you like to check in your smartphone here at the front desk, so you won’t be disturbed?” […]

Think positive, take action to feel better

I am a big believer in positive thinking. I use it, I train clients to use it, and I have written about its benefits for more than a decade. Positive thinking can help you make changes that will benefit you in many ways. I really can’t say enough good things about it. But over the […]

These are a few of my favorite things . . . about the holidays

For many reasons, this is my favorite time of year. One reason is not the colder weather. In fact, the temperature outside may be the only thing I don’t like, but the joy of the season more than compensates for it. Here are some of my favorite things about the holidays: How people are nicer […]

How to manage holiday stress

We all get stressed during the holiday season for various reasons. Most of us just deal with whatever is pressing on us, and don’t think about what all the stress is doing to our bodies and brains. When you are stressed, powerful chemicals, such as adenine, course through your system to help you battle whatever […]

Thank loved ones for all of their help

At this time of year, we are inspired and encouraged to look long and hard at what it is we are grateful for. Health and happiness are at the top of most people’s list, but do we give credit to the people who have helped us get there? We also get to look within ourselves […]

Getting along better with your partner

One thing I have learned is that there are many ways to retool your relationship to make it better for both of you. Here are a few suggestions to get you started. Stop trying to change your partner. Expecting your partner to change lifelong behaviors will take you down a fruitless path. But you can […]

November 20, 2013 | Posted in State, national lifestyle columnists | Tagged , | 1 Reply

When your loved one gets injured

I didn’t hear her fall. And apparently she didn’t think too much of it herself, though it was a struggle for her to get up the stairs and into bed. But all through the night, she kept saying “Ouch!” every time she had to move. We woke early and I looked at her foot, which […]

Don’t blame adult decisions on parents

Several big-time baseball stars were recently suspended for using performance-enhancing drugs. One of the most famous blamed his choices on the fact that his father left the family when he was quite young. I am sure this had a negative effect on his life, but you can’t blame your adult decisions on your parents, whether […]

Believing in each other key to happy love life

Believing in your relationship, and believing that you’ll help each other deal with whatever life hands you, is a great way to make your love life better. When couples believe in one another and see their relationship as a place of comfort and a platform for growth, it makes moving forward much easier and almost […]

October 23, 2013 | Posted in State, national lifestyle columnists | Tagged , | 1 Reply

Get treatment for your summertime blues

The weather is warm, graduations are over and you’ve already been to at least a couple of weddings, yet you are feeling a little blue and just can’t figure out why. There hasn’t been a tragedy or a trauma, you see that things around you are nice and you want to participate fully, but for […]

Sleeping together imparts a powerful ‘energy’

My partner and I believe we have the most comfortable bed in the known universe. Those down feathers and soft pillows are so soothing that some days it’s hard to leave our bed and face the world. The good news is that we get to return every night to this place of peace and comfort. […]

The best Mother’s Day present

Where would you be without your mom? When you stop to think about it, you wouldn’t be here at all, which ought to make you feel that much more grateful to her on Mother’s Day. She also raised you. Sure, you had your bad moments. And sometimes they still happen. Anytime you have a deep, […]

May 07, 2013 | Posted in State, national lifestyle columnists | Tagged , | 1 Reply

How you can create a positive relationship

Most people think that you cannot create positivity – it’s either there or it’s not – but they’re wrong. You can definitely encourage yourself and your loved ones to be and feel more positive. You just have to learn how to do it, as many others have done. Think about the professional athlete who has […]

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